Monday, March 19, 2007

More Eragon hate

So, Eragon is coming out on DVD very soon (er, tomorrow actually) and all I can ask of humanity is that they not buy this film. Supporting such dribble only encourages more dribble. Seriously, do we need to see deleted scenes of boy wonder and his blue lizard scampering around Alagaesia/New Zeleand/Cheeseland. We don't. No one does. Not even that person you hate a lot, not them. This piece of dragon dung came out in theatres only a few months back and it's already releasing on DVD. I think the bigwigs behind the flick are trying to earn back some money--and as fast as possible. Do not buy this film. Instead, here are some things you can do with the twenty bucks you'd save:
  • Wait and buy Pan's Labyrinth when it's released
  • Pick up a jug of Bacardi's Long Island Rum
  • Buy a goldfish or three
  • Trick an old man into dancing for the money
  • Clean socks are always a necessity
  • Lots of Nyquil taken at five minute intervals is more fun than Eragon
  • Strip club, for the fellas
  • Shoe store, for the felines (er, females)
  • Hire a bully to punch an idiot in the face, twice if they purchased Eragon
  • Pick up the latest issue of Apex Digest; I promise you that the table of contents alone is better than anything Christopher Paolini could "imagine"
  • Actually, so long as you spend that $20 on anything but the Eragon DVD you should feel pretty damn happy
Well, I feel better now. And in case any of you forgot what I thought about the movie, here's my review again.

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